ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
