i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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