so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
