I got chris browned last night
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
