I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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