So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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