census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
