I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
