just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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