My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
