my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
