She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize