This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
ok first of all what the fuck
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
