Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
