My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
