I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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