you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
