Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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