More tranny stories later!
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
