I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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