Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
