He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
