so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
