Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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