the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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