don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
