dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize