between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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