we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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