if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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