we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
