You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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