can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The beer is more important than you right now.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
