I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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