all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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