You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
