i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
