did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
