Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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