Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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