it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
