Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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