wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm too high and old for this...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
