Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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