you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
