I am in a vortex of obligation.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's rum buckets o'clock
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
