I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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