I like to think it a success when the cops are called
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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