she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
