eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
