plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
me + whiskey = a bad person
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
