just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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