You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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