no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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