she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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