Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
