You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
