Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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