btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
