I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
