The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
